♪ I could be so lost, ♪ stuck with tunnel vision ♪ ♪ But God placed me in this position, ♪ ♪ I been placed in this position ♪ - And my doctor said, you do music.
Why don't you do music about it?
And then when I did, I wasn't alone.
♪ This is where I wanna be ♪ ♪ Just like my fitted cap ♪ ♪ This music is a part of me ♪ ♪ I could try to walk away ♪ ♪ This music will keep calling me ♪ There was other war fighters just like me going through the same thing.
And I said, this is what I gotta do.
This is my mission.
- Hi, I'm Shain Brenden.
As a veteran, I understand how objects we brought back from service can be so meaningful.
They can remind us why we served and what we did.
Or help us transition back to civilian life.
Today I talk with a veteran whose object helps him support and connect with other veterans ... through music.
- I'm Jeff Barillaro, also known as Soldier Hard.
I did 10 years United States Army, and I was a sergeant.
- What was it that made you want to enlist in the military in the first place?
- Oh, man.
If you knew me as a 12-year-old boy, and you asked me what I wanted to do, I would have told you straight up, I'm going to be a soldier in the United States Army.
I was that kid wearing camouflage, you know what I mean?
So I already knew, I already knew what I was going to do.
And then when I got out of high school, that's exactly what I did.
- So what was it like in the early days, you know?
You know, after boot camp.
- During that time, they were short, they had a shortage of 19 kilo, which is an armored crewman on the M1A2 main battle tank.
I was like, man, you guys are going to pay me to do that?
Yeah, let's do it.
It was a dream come true.
I loved it.
I did three years at Fort Hood, Texas, and then I got out.
After 9/11, I was determined to get back in.
I told myself, no matter what they tell me to do, I'm going to do it.
And I kept that mentality.
I kept that in my head, and I excelled.
Deployment came up.
It wasn't even my unit.
They said, this unit is going to Iraq, and they need volunteers.
I'm going.
Send me.
So within six months of my enlistment, guess where I was?
Baghdad, Iraq.
I saved a lot of soldiers' lives out there, man.
We did convoy security.
The job was to protect the convoy, get them from point A to point B.
Any enemy contact, we respond to it.
You know what I mean?
We're the first ones to respond to it, and being Gun One I was the first one to see everything.
I spotted so many IEDs.
- What did you take with you on your deployment?
- Oh, my recording equipment.
My microphone.
You know, my doctor.
I call it my doctor, you know what I mean?
That's my therapist right there.
A lot of war fighters, they go to the gym, pump, pump weights.
I was, I didn't even go.
I didn't pump one weight.
(laughing) I was recording music.
That was my off time, man.
There'd be times when I was recording in Iraq, I'd get so, so deep into the music, and I'm so focused on getting the words right, the metaphors right, the punchline right, and, and just the, the feeling of creating music, I would stop and like, oh my God, I'm in Iraq.
I forgot I was in Iraq.
So even if we have a bad mission, I would go back, and I would make music about it.
You know what I mean?
And it, and it made me feel good, man.
It made me feel good.
- What was your transition like, you know, coming back to civilian life.
- That's actually the hardest thing I ever had to do in my life, to be honest with you, man.
I was self isolating, and I didn't even know about it.
I didn't even know I was self isolating.
I hated being around people.
Because I used to think, like, there's other veterans that are worse than me.
I'm good.
I'm good.
I don't want them spending their money on me.
It wasn't until like I, I would yell at my kids for no reason.
You know what I mean?
And it hurt me to hurt them.
And I said, I'm going to get help.
- What did you do when you realized that?
- I went to the VA. My VA doctor said, you do music, so make a song about it.
And I did, you know what I mean?
And I never, ever, looked at it as being soft or being weak.
I looked at it as being Soldier Hard, you know, saying that you got a problem.
A real person's going to tell you, I have a problem, you know what I mean?
A weak person is going to tell you that they're okay when they are really not, that they do have a problem.
That's how I think of it.
- So you revisit the thing that gave you, that gave you therapy while you were in the dirt and that gave you some relief, some resolve.
- So, I did a song called Road to Recovery, and I released it.
And then it went crazy, man, it went crazy, because a lot of people who are like me, who could relate to a lot of war fighters just like me going through what I'm going through, really felt it.
And they were on the road to recovery, too.
♪ I'm on the road to recovery ♪ ♪ I just wanna be alone, don't bother me ♪ ♪ Time's hella hard ♪ ♪ It's slowing down my pace ♪ It just really told me, like, you know what I mean, there's people like me who need help.
This became my mission, man.
- Do you feel like helping these vets through your music is almost like an extension of your military service?
- Oh yeah, definitely.
This is still a form of service.
Just because I got out, just because I don't wear the uniform no more, just because I don't have tanker boots on no more, I'm still serving.
- Why, after all these years, that old mic that don't work no more, what was it that made you want to keep that?
- It reminds me, like, I'm still here.
This thing helped me still be here.
This little broken $100 microphone helped me.
It has some sentimental value to it to me.
You know what I mean?
I keep it.
I keep it.
I want to help everybody.
I don't care if you're a veteran.
I want to help you, and I'm going to make a song about it.
If my music can help you, which tons do, that makes me feel good.
♪ I work hard for that ♪ ♪ I already killed this music ♪ ♪ Yeah, I should give it back ♪ ♪ Momma always told me ♪ ♪ Yeah, momma always told me ♪ ♪ She said, grind hard, son, never quit ♪ ♪ Yeah, that's what momma told me ♪
