From WXXI news.

This is connections.

I'm Julie Phillip, filling in for Evan Dawson.

Our connection this hour is your next door neighbor.

Or maybe it's the neighbor who lives down the street or on the floor above you.

It's the person in your neighborhood who can drive you crazy.

Especially now that summer is here.

Windows are open.

People are spending more time outside and so are their pets.

And let's face it, heat makes people cranky sometimes and that can make it even harder to get along.

According to a nationwide survey by any time estimate, a real estate publishing company based in Saint Louis, more than half of us 56%, have something to gripe about when it comes to our current neighbors.

And only a third say they've never had to deal with a bad neighbor.

Unfortunately, neighbor related issues can be more than simply frustrating or annoying.

They can impact your quality of life, and they can lead to emotional stress.

And about half of the people surveyed said they've had to spend money on things like landscaping, fencing, repairing damage, or getting legal help.

And though rare neighbor related issues can lead to violence.

Today we're going to talk with experts about some of the most common neighbor related problems and what you can do about them.

And if you've got an issue with your neighbor, we can discuss that too.

Call us at (585) 263-9994 or send us an email to connections@wxxi.org.

So our guest this hour we have Laura Fleming, a licensed clinical social worker.

We have Erica Hernandez.

She's director of neighborhood service Centers and the Department of Neighborhood and Business Development for the City of Rochester.

Deputy David Marcucci, public information officer for the Monroe County Sheriff's Office, and Lieutenant Rob Wilson, Rochester Police Department.

Thank you all for being here.

So we're going to start out with a little game.

You know, I have the results of this nationwide, poll that was conducted at the end of last summer by the, any time estimate.

And they surveyed a representative sample of about 1000 Americans to find out how they feel about their neighbors.

And as I said in the opening, more than half of those surveyed have a complaint to make.

So I want to go around the table and have you predict what you think the top 2 or 3 most common complaints are.

And we're going to start with you, Lieutenant Wilson.

I would say noise, at least in the city of Rochester, noise seems to be a big one.

Yeah.

A noise I think would be top of my list.

Okay, how about you?

I'm going to say probably yard appearance, like the grass or the driveway, you know, or stuff that they have around the house, you know, vehicles and such.

Go.

I would absolutely agree with what's been said.

I would say noise as well.

And just at a higher level overall property upkeep.

Okay.

What it might look like what's out there.

Okay.

What kind of things.

I'm going to go with, dogs.

Garbage.

And wild kids.

Okay.

Okay, so here are the results.

You guys are right on it.

Noise, but shouting and fighting was sort of the top noise problem.

Celebratory gunshots was right at the top.

Loud parties.

And then tied was car alarms, barking dogs, loud music, revving of a car or motorcycle engine and fireworks when it's not the 4th of July.

Although I think even on the fourth they can be annoying.

So, starting with you again.

Lieutenant, listen, what are some other common types of calls that you are getting?

I would say neighbor troubles.

We have a lot of issues where people don't get along with one another.

I feel people don't necessarily take the time to get to know their neighbors as much as they used to.

It's the person in the white House.

They don't know their name.

Now, obviously it takes two to talk and they get along.

But I think that's one of the bigger things.

There's not grace extended.

There's not, willingness to find some common ground or to explain why the whatever behavior is bothering you.

Sometimes if you talk to someone and say, I don't know if you realize what you're doing is affecting my kids going to sleep at night.

Yeah.

So we're going to get into that, like how to be a good neighbor and that sort of thing in the future.

But I don't know how long you've been doing this.

You look like a fairly young man.

But have you seen a change, in the years that you've been doing this?

Yeah.

So I've been in this position, work in the neighborhood service center for 11 years.

So I would say one of the things that has changed over time is we used to do more mediation between neighbors.

The city still offers it, but it takes two people to talk, as you know, saying, oh, you can lead a horse to water.

You can't make it drink.

You can't make two people talk that don't want to talk or aren't interested in a common ground.

I felt like we used to do a lot more of that, when people were more willing to hear the other side out, and maybe even just agree to disagree, but at least come together and see the person as a human being versus them.

Right?

That's where the problem start.

It's easy to hate them.

It's harder to dislike someone that you know.

So regardless of the problem, there's a lot more butting of heads when you try to address the problem.

Okay.

All right.

And let's go to you.

Deputy Mayor Coochie.

What kinds of other common problems are you, responding to these days?

You know, as we've kind of touched on already here, I mean, some of it is it's dog issues, as we've talked about neighbor disputes.

I, I do think one of the things that we see more, too, and it goes to what the lieutenant is saying, I think people's tolerance level is lower than it used to be.

You know what we see?

Small things might set them off.

Yeah.

You know, it's it's about keeping perspective, you know, and I think a lot of times, like, understanding that we can't pick our neighbors and there has to be some give and take on both sides, right, to, to get along because you are neighbors.

You didn't get to pick each other.

It's it's kind of like when you go to college, you know, with your roommate, you know, to pick your roommate.

And I think a lot of that is broken down where people are just are in their own, their own world, and they want it to be their way.

And there's not much tolerance for outside of that.

I think we see that more.

I think social media helps to exasperate the problem as well a little bit.

Instead of, you know, as we have, we already discussed communication's key.

Instead of going over and calmly talking to your neighbor and letting them know how you feel, they may not even realize they're upsetting you.

Everybody just assumes that they're doing it on purpose.

So.

So can you give me some an example or a few examples of some of these more minor things that I'm hearing now that in the past might have just washed over?

Well, it's I mean, they still.

Would generate maybe neighbor disputes, but we were able to more often mediate them.

But some of the more of the smaller, quality of life issues just kind of I said yard appearance mean based on the areas that I've covered, you know, we will see complaints about leaves and lawn cutting.

You know, too many cars parked in the driveway.

You know, that a lot of towns on villages have ordinances and the number of vehicles that can be parked in a drive without license plates.

And, you know, my neighbors got three cars in the driveway, and they're only allowed to have one without a license plate.

And it's like, you know, striking a balance between telling somebody, hey, you, you know, get getting the team approaching where we have the code enforcement help to mediate this situation, but also at the same time trying to explain the person like, is that really is that really the battle that you need to pick with your neighbor to now start this potentially downward spiral where you're going to get into this neighbor dispute that's going to and it all started because they have two extra cars.

And really at the end of the day is is it affecting you?

Is it affecting your lifestyle.

Is it you know, everybody wants to have you know, wants to be able to enjoy their yard and peace and quiet and be able to enjoy their home.

And so it's sometimes it's just that it's just trying to talk to people and give them some perspective.

And we are going to get into, you know, how to how to deal with this with your neighbor.

But, Erica, you're at the neighborhood service centers, and I'm sure you get a you get a lot of the 311 calls and the people calling with all kinds of problems.

What what do you what are some of the more common ones that you're getting these days?

Yeah, absolutely.

We have a wide spectrum of calls.

Right?

I think as, some of the panelists here have shared, it can be a big variety depending on what triggers for people.

Everything from, someone has a chicken or a rooster, or someone is raising a pet farm animal in their backyard to, they're putting out the garbage on the wrong day.

They don't bring in their toaster.

They're smudging over their property line.

Overall, at the root, a lot of what we hear is different degrees of consideration, for for the person complaining and for the issue they're addressing is really how our neighbors, considering each other, tends to be at the root.

Okay.

So we talk about there's tons and tons of smaller issues.

There are serious issues too.

What are some of the more egregious things.

And are they that common or just, you know, pretty rare.

So one of the things that we deal with of our office is drug house complaints.

So that obviously can be very dangerous.

It's not just necessarily, you know, using drugs.

It could be people selling drugs.

And that brings a whole host of issues.

So that's something that in the neighborhood service center from the police side of things, will investigate those things, at least initially, to look into it, to see if they have legs.

We'll look for the telltale signs that there may be, drug activity between the volume of people coming.

Do they have cameras?

Do they?

Is the house fortified in some way?

Or there are people walking up to a doorbell at the window, which most people don't have a doorbell at their window.

So different things that would indicate a drug house.

And then based on that, we will pass it off either to the patrol section or to our vice unit to investigate further.

But those, you know, a drug house brings its own issues.

The people that go there and in the city of Rochester, we've seen over the years where people will rob a drug house because they realize if they go in to commit a robbery of the people inside the house, they're not going to call the police and say, hey, this guy just stole my drugs.

So if the bad guy and I say guys because they're typically guys, if a bad guy goes in and gets away with the drugs from the house, they're kind of free and clear in that regards, and there's not many consequences from there.

But when that happens, one side or the other or both will have guns and you just never know what's going to happen.

So we we get all over those very quickly.

So some of these are very serious.

How about you out in the county?

What are some of the more serious things you're seeing?

Yeah, I think probably, driving complaints, reckless driving, you know, especially in the neighborhoods, you'll see, and oftentimes, you know, especially summertime kids are out playing on bikes and people are walking.

They're trying to walk their dogs.

And, there's cars that are speeding by driving recklessly.

And oftentimes when we go to those neighborhoods to enforce that, we find it's the neighbors themselves that are committing.

It's not people driving through the neighborhood, it's people that live in the neighborhood.

And people obviously recognize the car in the neighborhood.

So that starts it's own neighbor dispute.

And my my neighbor drives recklessly and he's endangering my kids.

Another one I think that we see quite often is with, dogs.

I think a lot of it, you know, people go to work, they put their dog in a crate, and then it's barking all day.

Or it's not properly restrained.

So it's going in the other yards, or people are walking by and they get to worry about the dog lunging after them.

Those are probably or two more because, you know, unfortunately, we've had instances where, you know, especially younger individuals have been injured by dogs, you know, so it's I would say those are probably or two top two.

Okay.

Okay.

So, you know, obviously where you live can affect the types of problems you have to deal with.

But regardless of where you live, noise as we've said, is one of the biggest complaints.

And it's not just loud parties.

It can be the thumping of the car radios and the, you know, someone leaf blowing every single day because they're really concerned about their lawn.

And, and I had a neighbor who, every time they went out for a while, they would leave their dog outside to relieve itself.

Probably.

But the dog barked the entire time they were gone.

And they didn't.

They didn't know, you know, but but, you know, so what can we do about noise?

And I want to start with you, Laura Fleming, a counselor, a social worker.

You know, some people can deal with most noises.

They can ignore them.

I, I read one article and there were people that were interviewed there.

I get some Irish people go a little wild, no big deal.

But other people noise is a serious problem for them.

So can is it possible to train yourself so that your perspective is to learn to view?

Noise is not that big of a deal?

Well, I guess that would depend on the amount of noise.

But, yeah, I think it's always helpful to talk to your neighbors.

But I think you kind of want to do that carefully, like you, you want to not go in all judgy and accusatory.

Yeah.

Come in more for from a perspective of yourself, like, I want to talk to you about this.

Here's a really great line.

I mean, it's put it out there.

I want to talk to you about this because I'd like you and I don't like walking around having bad feelings about you.

So I want to address something that is bothering me.

You have these loud parties, you know, and we have work the next day, and it's it's really hard for us.

So I'm wondering if we can come to some kind of compromise about the noise that you're generating.

I mean, it taking it like I'm willing to negotiate.

I'm not here to accuse you of anything or shame you.

I'm just going to talk about how you're impacting me.

And so the first step in, in a lot of instances is just to lay it out there, lay.

It out there gently.

Yeah.

Right.

There's actually there's an acronym.

It's give.

So it's speaking gently.

Being interested in their perspective, validating that anything you can validate that they're saying and then using kind of an easy manner okay.

But as we've said, sometimes lately especially, people aren't willing to engage.

What what do you do that.

So in the city of Rochester, we typically will go, my office, I have two crime prevention officers that work for me.

So we'll try to talk to the neighbor for them.

Some people are, I would say, afraid of confrontation.

That's a little bit harsh, but they don't want to put themselves out there.

They don't want someone to know that they're the ones complaining.

They're worried about the reaction they're going to get and be a little afraid of that.

So we'll go.

We'll send the placement of their door.

And I tell people it's not an immediate turn around our office.

We're not 911.

We might not get there for several days, maybe even a week, depending on what other activities we have going on, because we do a lot of community engagement, but we'll go out and try to speak to that neighbor, because a lot of times they feel like they don't know that is going on.

The immediate assumption is they're doing it out of spite.

They're doing it well for whatever their selfish.

There's some kind of negative connotation to that, and we'll try to go and get them to give them the benefit of the doubt and hear what they have to say to see what they're saying.

And the end of the day, we'll say, look at if it's a noise issue.

For example, this is what the noise ordinance in the city of Rochester.

So we need you to abide by that at the very least.

And hopefully, if they realize that this is affecting somebody else and we won't tell them who, but we'll say, you know, other people are complaining about this.

So, you know, what do you think that is is something you can, you know, meet us halfway and try to have that, kind, calm conversation to, enlighten them.

And let's talk about there must be a noise ordinance, I guess, for each town.

Yeah, it does, and it varies.

I mean, generally, most towns have some type of noise ordinance for excessive noise or unreasonable noise, you know, for overnight hours, you know, such as mowing, that's your mowing your lawn.

And you can't mow your lawn.

11:00 at night.

You know, a revving of an engine, working on your car, really late or it's making a loud noise.

Loud music.

But every town is a little bit different, and we just encourage people to, to speak with their code enforcement, stop by the town or the village that they live in.

And just to educate yourselves before, you know, before you go to your neighbor, go there with that information to understand what they are, in fact, in violation of or not.

I mean, maybe some some of the concerns have to be addressed in the town, so they might not have something that covers.

And a neighbor may be, you know, perfectly fine.

So when you talk about what you're saying before, you could go over and let them know how you feel and be can and and and ask for their consideration, but they may not be doing anything actually wrong.

So have that information ahead of time because every town is different.

And Eric, I'm sure you deal with a lot of code enforcement kind of issues related to noise.

How can people learn more about what is and isn't permissible?

Yeah.

So we work very closely with our RPD partners in the service centers, just informing people about noise ordinances when an issue does come up.

So, obviously there's resources like the city website like 311.

And also there's a service center in each quadrant with both an administrator, an assistant administrator and an NSC lieutenant who are happy to have these conversations.

You know, put it, in context, depending on what's going on and how it aligns with the city code, whether it is or it isn't, you know, in compliance to then help, you know, broach that conversation.

And can you give some examples of what's in the code?

We have the time, the time of day that you're making noise.

What other things are in the code?

Yeah.

So, we talk about the, the property line and the speed of light.

I believe it's 50.

Am I 50ft if before 10 p.m.

at 50ft, you can if it's the noise is greater than, it can be heard more than 50ft past a property line.

That's a violation at 10:00 to 8 a.m.

in the city.

It's not supposed to be heard past the property line.

Other things that are in there like to talk about, like lawn mowing in the city, I believe it's 7 a.m.

is the time.

You can't do yard work before 7 a.m.. There's other things in there.

Like what is a violation and what not.

There are some things aren't, political and religious speech is protected speech.

It's not a violation of the noise ordinance.

Even if you're very loudly.

Even if you're very loud.

Yeah.

It's not it's not considered a violation.

So there's there's nuances in there that, you know, follow.

Then the other thing that we run into, what seems to be a problem, because in the city of Rochester, you have a lot of, apartments.

And if it's within a building.

So if you have a wall that is paper thin and the person in the next apartment can hear you, that's not a noise violation unless it's audible past the property line.

Okay.

So the you're you're adjoining wall to the other tenant is not a property line.

They can make noise that you can hear.

It's could actually have to leave the apartment complex more or less to to to have it.

Okay.

Which is not understood.

I mean we even get ones.

Well, the person above me, I hear them walking.

Well I'm sorry for personal loud you unless they know how to hover they're going to you're going to hear them walking.

That's fair.

But what if the person above you is a violin player and they're playing loud at 11:00 at night.

Is there anything that can be done in situations like that?

Grab a banjo and join in Idaho.

Make it a band?

Yeah.

So in an apartment situation, you can always reach out to the property manager, the property owner, and to try to address it.

That way, if you're not comfortable in approaching that neighbor, you know, but again, that comes back to that communication issue, whether you communicate with your apartment building.

You know, I tell people like, you pay them, you know, in the rent for your quiet enjoyment.

So they're supposed to help you in that regard.

So they can, you know, get in the middle of that discussion, too.

Yeah.

So it's not you against them.

Hopefully the property manager would be like, look, you need to be considerate of others because most likely if it's affecting you, it's also affecting other people.

And that isn't something uncommon for our day to day work, right.

To help be that, intermediate in helping have those conversations with property management.

They have a lot coming at them on any given day, as do all of us.

Right.

And just helping say, hey, this is why this person is really frustrated.

Or they may say, hey, we're working on this, right?

We are working on this.

This is, what we're doing.

We may need this, individual to be a little more patient with us.

You know, the other big thing in this equation, as we talk about conflict, whether it's noise or other things, is that conversations are always easier to have.

One rapport is built prior to the conflict, right?

When maybe I don't know all the details of my neighbors life.

But I know that I say hello and I know I say, how's your day going?

And I notice when something maybe is a little off.

And that goes a long way when conflict does come and then conversations need to happen.

Yeah.

And we are going to the second half of the show.

We are going to talk a lot about what to do and what you shouldn't do.

And how to be a good neighbor.

You know that's coming up.

So anyhow where we are going to take a quick break, we are talking now with Laura Fleming, licensed clinical social worker Erica Hernandez, director of Rochester's Neighborhood Service Centers.

Deputy David McKee, a public information officer for the Monroe County Sheriff's Office, and Lieutenant Rob Wilson with the Rochester Police Department.

And if you have a neighbor problem you want to talk about with them.

And, you know, want to see if you can find an answer for you can call us at (585) 263-9994 or send us an email to connections at wxxi.org.

We'd be happy to talk about that as well.

After the break.

I'm Evan Dawson coming up in our second hour.

It's the connection summer sessions focused on food and Bev this week.

And today we're talking about the pivot in tough times that those in food and beverage are making restaurants, changing their menus, making smaller portions, lowering the prices or capping what an entree costs.

Coffee houses, retailers and different spaces.

Food and bev pivoting in tough times.

Next, our.

Support for your public radio station comes from our members and from Bob Johnson Auto Group.

Believing an informed public makes for a stronger community.

Proud supporter of connections with Evan Dawson focused on the news, issues and trends that shape the lives of listeners in the Rochester and Finger Lakes regions.

Bob Johnson Auto group.com.

And we are back.

This is connections.

I'm Julie Phillips sitting in for Evan Dawson, and we've been talking with Laura Fleming licensed clinical social worker Erica Hernandez, director of Rochester's Neighborhood Service Centers, deputy David Marcoux, chief public information officer for the Monroe County Sheriff's Office, and Lieutenant Rob Wilson from the Rochester Police Department.

And we have an email here.

I'm not sure I'm going to pronounce the name right.

Sarraj I think, and this is from outlying a little bit, but I think you could probably still be helpful.

Our family owns several rural parcels in Orleans County.

A neighboring landowner has repeatedly encroached onto our property.

Most recently, he built a deer stand in a tree along the property line and planted a vegetable garden that extends onto our land.

When we approached him about the garden, his response was simply, I'll share the vegetables rather than acknowledging that he was using property that isn't his.

I'm interested in understanding the civil and possible criminal remedies available and situations involving what appears to be intentional, ongoing encroachment, and more broadly, how should property owners respond when they believe a neighbor is deliberately occupying portions of their land, whether out of convenience or in the hope that after years of going unchallenged, it will become theirs.

So I think this is a question for both of you.

Property line issues.

Yeah.

We've actually we've dealt we have dealt with that quite a bit.

You know, hunting season comes around and and when people walk out on their properties more so when they see that there's a deer stand there or there's, the camp set up that wasn't there before.

And, and oftentimes it looks like, you know, people don't understand or realize that there was, they're on somebody else's property in this case.

And as this email references, it sounds like, this neighbors already, you know, conveyed that, that you're on the property line, you know, one of the better things to, to, to, to initially start with is to make sure that your property line is well established, well marked and posted.

You know, they mentioned criminal and civil, certainly, trespass.

It's a violation level offense.

But that is the criminal aspect of it, which you certainly can exercise that option.

But in order to do that, the person has to be warned that they are trespassing.

The property needs to be marked, otherwise their defense is going to be.

Well, I didn't realize that I wasn't on my property, especially when you get down to to some of these larger spans of property and you're out into the woods, but where's the line?

You know, and we'll get called there and we don't know where the line is.

So how are we supposed to enforce something that we don't know that's there in order to have that in this case violation.

But it will a criminal case, you know, a case to hold up in court for trespass if it comes to that, is is to have the property clearly marked and, signs up that's clearly state no trespassing.

And then where we would come in, if communication doesn't work, if you, if your neighbor doesn't seem to be receptive, if they feel like they've established rights to your property.

Now three years of of encroachment, which is something that we have seen quite a bit, you know, I mean, we're that's they I would encourage to call law enforcement and they have us come over and we'll attempt to, you know, we'll talk to both sides of the story.

Oftentimes there are some discrepancies.

And what was transpired between both sides attempted de-escalate both of them and and act as a third party mediator between both of them and come up to a reasonable, solution.

But ultimately, in this case, the conversation is going to be with with the other gentleman that he you are on the property lines and this is the property owner's rights, just as you if you came out and somebody was on your property, you would you would expect the same treatment back.

Right?

So we always kind of put it back on and them as well as like if this was your property and you came out and somebody was on over your line, what would you expect us to do about it?

I mean, that that's ultimately, you know.

I mean, how about in the city or property issues?

A big issue there as well.

They are, we deal with them occasionally from the police side of things.

A lot of times will refer them back.

Make sure you know your property line.

Right.

Because the assumption is, I know what it is, but has it been surveyed?

Is that what the city recognizes?

Right.

And then other times we'll have code enforcement be involved to some level.

But again, I can't you know, I don't have a magical eye that can go, oh, not that six inches over on your property line or vice versa.

So it's a bit of a challenge from us unless it's clearly established.

But a lot of times that is not necessarily a police matter.

We try to again de-escalate things because we don't want it to get that way, because we've seen some over the years.

I can think of one case in particular that involved a home invasion of a sort that became very violent.

So we don't want it to get to that level.

So this is where we get into the financial cost of neighborhood problems is having to survey your land, having to get legal representation, that sort of thing.

So let's talk about how to, things we should not do.

I want to start with that.

Things we should not do when we're having neighbor issues.

And I want to start with you.

What we should not do is escalate.

You know, I had a neighbor who, like, came over and just.

I opened the door and just started screaming at me, for something that, like, he thought my my son had had his car, and it turned out it was somebody else.

But you don't approach it that way, right?

Like I would say, like, way to you yourself are in a calm spot.

And like you want to talk to a neighbor about noise, maybe do it the next day after you've calmed down, talk about going forward as opposed to attacking.

So criticism, attacking judgment.

You know, these are like the horsemen of the apocalypse.

You know, you're going to start over and you don't really want to do that.

So, yeah, I like that.

Both of the, officers here was talking about de-escalating like, that should be in your mind all the time.

Like de-escalating.

How can we turn down the heat?

And I loved what you were saying, Erica, about, like, making a point to get to know your neighbors, know their names, know something about them.

So that when you want to discuss an issue, you know, they have some that they have, some skin in the game.

All right.

So relationship.

So.

Yeah.

Don't fight noise with noise.

Basically leave the aggression.

No passive aggressive kind of behaviors.

Program angry confrontations.

Yep.

So we have another email, this one from Catarina.

And she says, oh, she thinks, first of all, Lieutenant Wilson, who apparently helped, with a tricky neighborhood situation in her neighborhood in North Winton, and she recommends neighborhood service centers that they're very, very helpful.

And keeping neighbors informed on Facebook groups.

Having a strong relationship with city neighborhood group and your association is helping.

And then we have an email from Ken, who says he lives in Fairport, and he has some neighbors who drive their motorized vehicles, electric bikes and motorcycles on the canal path.

And I know I see this in the city as as well, that there are motorcycles and electric bikes in some of the parks.

There are signs that say motorized vehicles are not allowed on the canal path.

They go zooming by and I can't stop them.

How can I stop this activity?

Yeah.

So that's that's becoming more and more common.

And if I'm understanding, without having the benefit of the email, talking with, the reader directly here, I that sounds still more of like a that's more of a town.

Village, you know, quality of life issue as opposed to a neighbor issue, you know, but.

You live right on the canal, on the canal.

Path, and, and that's just but I mean, I had talked about that earlier, you know, again, if you're walking in your neighborhood and your neighbor speeding.

So we'll go along with that leg on it and say that, you know, that, again, towns and villages are, you know, enacting and making changes to try to address this growing concern.

You know, more and more people.

There's more and more, ebikes out there and more and more people are getting them.

And a lot of it, we're finding is, is that parents just don't know.

So there is a little bit of a lag is we're trying to educate.

We're pushing to educate the public and educate parents of what IT e-bike actually is.

Who can actually ride them?

You know, technically, anyone under 16 can't ride an e-bike.

Legally.

And so there's that's part of it.

But for for a situation like that, the best thing to do is to call 911.

And we'll hopefully we can get out there and we can.

And, if we see the, the children get them to stop and we can talk to them, get their parents involved, educate them.

I mean, that is the cycle that we're in right now.

It's tough because if the kids don't stop, right?

You know, if there's there's no license plate on these e-bikes or we don't know who they are.

So we'll certainly, you know, we certainly want to call we want to response because our biggest thing is, is safety, right?

We're seeing a lot of injuries.

A lot of kids are getting hurt because they're not or they're not wearing proper protective gear.

But these bikes go so fast.

So certainly that is something that I would say, if you know your neighbor, if you know what your neighbor's children, the same things that we've been talking about calmly going over, and having that conversation with them first, because the parents may not know what their kids are doing with the e-bike.

Yeah, I didn't know that under 16 you can't ride an e-bike.

Well, and the.

Education piece, you know, is, is part of it.

You want to be careful because you don't want to come across as your, you know, all knowing and telling your neighbor like what you can and can't do by law, but more just frame it around like I saw you.

I don't know if you care, but you know, I'm a parent too.

I have kids and so, you know, your children were riding up and down the canal path.

I'm just worried that they may get hurt and you approach it that way, you know, you know, I loved with what both relays were saying earlier.

I mean, we, we understand to like to go with as people calling of police is an automatic escalation of the situation.

Right.

Like you don't normally call the police on your neighbors like that.

It's already escalated just from that.

Our response.

And so we go in with that perspective, like we're already one of the tactics, that is we're going to try to de-escalate.

And so a lot of the groundwork, again, we can't emphasize enough, is laid long before the police get called, because usually when we we are getting called because everything else hopefully has already been tried and has broken down.

Right.

And then one of the things we're doing, though, is to see if some people don't take those steps ahead of time.

So I just.

Try not to make it the first line of defense.

Yes, we don't want, you know, people to think that as soon as you're upset with your neighbor, just call police.

Going going with this expanded definition of neighbor, one of the things that is occurring, anyone living along the expressway, here is at night, often the roaring motorcycles that go through in the middle of the night.

Tell us a little bit more about this problem and what where that stands.

I know it's been a problem for several years now.

Yes.

So I'll say that I can, sympathize with that.

I live up and around the coyote, and I'm within earshot of the 104.

They're like angry bees.

Are they are, they are.

And I hear them accelerate from the the vets bridge all the way till they you slow down, hopefully to make the turn go out to Webster and Vice versa.

So I understand that the Thruway is in the expressways.

We defer to our partners in the sheriff's department and the state troopers.

Yeah, it's it's been an issue.

And I think that's one of the problems even in police, because we will have ones.

I had a recent community meeting where they're complaining about the motorcycles on a certain city street that is full of businesses and people are walking, enjoying the street, and they're saying it's it's really loud.

What can you do?

So in the case like this, I'll give it to our traffic enforcement folks, but we only have I think we have three traffic enforcement folks still left to cover the city.

So that's one of the problems with with some of our staffing issues.

We have, we can't necessarily fill the positions that we would want to to address some of these quality of life issues.

Right?

So the quality of life is an issue even to, well, it's not that big a deal until it affects you, right?

When it's directly affecting you.

You're like, am I losing my mind?

And actually to go back to, Katrina, I won't blow her up.

Thank you.

But that's a situation that I. One of the things that popped in my head because of the email was, in that case, in particular, as a as a troubled neighbor.

And there wasn't a lot we could do.

We tried to address it from many different angles.

We did bring the neighborhood service center, and we brought code enforcement, and we brought some mental health folks in to deal with it from a whole variety of angles.

And one of the things that kind of came out of that is she got to know some of our other neighbors, and it was kind of their own informal support group.

So every time we would go over, I'd make sure that I walked over and spoke to her, and the neighbors had an impromptu press conference, usually on her front steps, and just talk to people.

And even though there wasn't as much I could do, explaining all the steps we're taking, hopefully give them a timeline of what's happening next and what's going on and give me a chance to vent.

And at the end of the day, we'd walk away, and a lot of times things weren't changed drastically.

But they least see that we're bringing out all the resources that are possible to bear.

And, you know, they had grace for us in a sense, okay?

They're not ignoring us.

We're not shouting it out into the wilderness where no one's hearing us.

They're making every effort they can.

But I would explain our limitations.

So communication is key in a as it is in a lot of things.

So according to the survey and it makes sense.

Most of us think we're a good neighbor that we're.

Yeah 90% of us that say we're a good neighbor.

But 56% of our neighbors are not good.

Right.

So so, what would you say it takes to be a good neighbor?

Yeah, I think, I liked what you were saying.

People need to feel seen.

They need to feel heard.

So making an effort to acknowledge your neighbors when you see them.

Listen, if they have a complaint, I asked my neighbor.

He was new.

He just moved in.

I asked him, so the light over your side door, that really bright light.

Is that part of your security system?

It shines right in my bedroom window.

But if it's part of your security.

And he was like, no, I didn't know it was on.

Right.

It was like, kind of coming around to it.

Not like that light, like, you know, so being a good neighbor, being open to hearing their point of view, being available, approachable.

Any other thoughts on what it takes to be a good neighbor.

Yeah absolutely.

Ironically we have a whole brochure.

That.

Just, it covers.

That, it.

Covers the basics.

By your neighborhood service center.

Yeah.

It covers just probably the top things that come to people's mind when they come to a property.

So it covers.

Hey, make sure you're doing good maintenance of your garbage, your garbage receptacles.

It covers, you know, hey, make sure your your lawn is cut when it needs to be cut.

Your snow is plowed when it needs to be plowed.

Very things that, in this work maybe seem so like common commonplace.

But also realizing that people live very busy lives.

Right.

And and so, you know, when I think about it at just, a more general sense is just a level of consideration, right?

Like, I have a lot going on in my life, as do my neighbors.

And yet we all want to live in a nice place.

And what it.

And just thinking about.

Well, what does that take?

What does that mean?

If I want to live in an a nice neighborhood, and I want to live in a neighborhood where others would want to come and live here too, then that does mean esthetics matter, right?

Then that does mean that noise matters.

But it takes that conscious just thought.

And and we have let me tell you, Rochester is blessed.

You know, Catarina being one of them, we have some phenomenal neighborhood leaders.

We have upwards of, I would say, at least 40 neighborhood groups citywide.

And they are active.

Boy, if you want something done, you you call your neighborhood group and they're going to get it done quick and in a hurry.

And they will reach out to us as partners and others.

But it's that coming together towards a common goal.

And each of us individually play a key role in being that good neighbor.

And and it could be as involved as being in a neighborhood group or leading a neighborhood group.

Or it could be as simple as, you know, this past week, I after the wind in the rain, there was some trees in the street.

And if I'm having a hard time driving around them, others must be too.

And so what does it take me but a couple of minutes to stop and and move the tree out of the street, right.

And so just that, that thoughtfulness of what makes me want to be in this neighborhood and what makes others and how do I contribute to that.

And so power in numbers be, you know, working with others about, a problem that you're sharing together is one.

So this, survey that we did, they asked people, you know, what what does it take to be a good neighbor?

And the number one answer by far was you should be someone they can trust.

And they can only trust you if they know you.

Right.

So that goes back to making sure you get to know people, like quiet people.

But as you said, we all, you know, you can't always be quiet.

Maintaining a home in the yard is a big thing, helping out when you're asked, you know, bring can you bring in a package?

Can you water my plants while I'm gone?

And and the fifth one was Keep to yourself, which I probably goes back to being quiet.

I don't know, but but, that that was on the list as well.

So another thing that's happening in a lot of neighborhoods are these polarizing signs, that people are putting up.

And yes, we see them year round, but summertime is a good time to put up signs and flags.

And the survey said that nearly 60% of people would not even buy a house if a neighbor was displaying a Confederate flag.

47% said that about a Maga or a Trump flag, 36% about a Black Lives Matter flag, 33% about a pride flag.

So how should people deal with neighbors who want to stand up for what they believe in?

But that's affecting their neighbor could affect their neighbors property value.

Do you ever deal?

I know, I know, it's probably maybe not something people call the police for, but what are your thoughts?

So I actually we had one a couple years ago where someone was flying a Confederate flag in the city, and we had to go out and have a conversation with them and saying, you're legally allowed to do it right.

It's not against the law to do it, but do you understand what you're, you know, putting out there into the world, whether they do or don't, they don't know.

In this case, they were willing to take the flag down, because their neighbors weren't comfortable with that.

And that was just brave, I want to say about three, three and a half years ago that we had that happen.

So sometimes it's just that conversation and this, that, that courtesy.

And then going back to like the noise since we're talking about like I'll tell people like, if you're going to have a party, right.

And I think if any of our neighbors were going to have a party and we knew about it ahead of time, we could probably plan for it.

I'm like, if you're going to have a graduation party, right?

We're in that type of a season.

If you're going to do this, then let your neighbors know ahead of time and better yet, invite them, right?

Because that's going to be something that you're going to be showing the courtesy to have that happening.

And it's also going to, you know, give them an avenue, right?

Or say, here's my phone number.

If it gets a little bit too loud or it's too late or whatever, here's a way to contact me in.

At least give them that heads up ahead of time.

And again, that comes with that courtesy and communication ahead of time.

And you're nodding your head.

You're seeing a lot of that too.

No.

Well we see it a lot.

But the advice that's I mean it's, it's sound advice, I mean it's exactly what we would, we would recommend as well.

I mean and part of it goes to, you know, as we've said before, laying the groundwork ahead of time and just respecting your neighbors and understanding, though, that, you know, certain people won't express their point of view.

They're they're allowed to express their point of view just the same as you are.

So, you know, some content certainly could be more offensive than other.

And the conversation may just need to be had.

They don't realize how it's making everybody feel.

And then part of it is you might it's, it's is that tolerance that we talked about earlier where you know, that people, you know, you could go to another neighborhood and then a neighbor could move in and they want to express a different interest.

And just being mindful of everybody's, you know, how what what's important to people and understanding that, like, that's important to them.

It's their property.

They're allowed to express that, that view.

And then you're over here and you're in your property in your lives.

Express your view.

And Laura, what are your thoughts on.

Well, I mean, I think right.

People have a right to do it.

That doesn't mean it's right.

Correct.

And I, you know, I guess as a neighbor I would, I would point that out and say, yeah, it's your right to have that.

But it's making everybody in the neighborhood.

But most of us in the neighborhood, we've talked.

It's making us uncomfortable.

Yeah.

Expressing.

Oh I'm just looking at my emails and they're getting cut off, so I haven't been able to follow that.

Do you have anything to add to the polarizing, signs and flags?

Yeah, I, I would just really echo these sentiments and, and go back to the point.

We're just discussing about groups and what makes up a neighborhood.

Because neighbors decide what they want the culture of their neighborhood to be.

And and so be engaged.

Don't stick to yourself.

Be engaged with your neighbors.

So before we started the show, we all were talking about some quirky neighborhood issues because we all have them or we've all responded to some quirky things.

And I don't know if you want to share the one that you brought up, but I want to go around and talk about some of the more lighthearted ones.

We've talked about some pretty serious.

Yeah.

Before the show, I was talking about how, we did have disputes with, next door neighbor who thought that you should just know what he felt without him having to tell you.

So we had a lot of disputes about that.

And I came home from work one day.

My son was sitting on the porch, had programed to our, universal remote to change the channels on the neighbor's TV.

And, I'm, you know, not proud to say that I actually sat there and watched for a few minutes before I met him.

It was pretty fun.

Oh, yeah.

How about you, Lieutenant Wilson?

What are some of the quirky or funnier things that that you've heard from people or you've experienced yourself?

Yeah, yeah, that's a great question.

Some of the ones that I guess are unusual.

I worked over in the West Side.

I worked off of Lyle Avenue.

We would get calls for prostitutes and johns, and that was always a kind of a unusual one dealing with.

Thankfully, that's not too often.

But it can be, you know, not something neighbors want to see going on in their neighborhood.

I'm sure I've had other lighthearted ones I can think of, but nothing's coming to mind.

Off the top of my head.

Yeah, I don't really.

I mean, we've had we've had, we had a neighbor, and one neighborhood who thought that all the neighbors were microwaving them, sending radio waves in their home.

And it's obviously there's another component to that that.

We tried, and that's a whole other.

Show.

That's a whole nother.

Yeah.

But I mean, as far as.

Yeah.

And I mean, that's something though to be cognizant of, right.

If somebody's getting the right response to that to help that person.

Right.

Because your neighborhood and they stick together.

And that's why I bring that point up as, to not to dismiss or to to leave that person, you know, discounted that person's concerns, that that's a real concern to them and to, to to get the right resources.

And that's where we come in.

You know, we can we have a whole other side of that that we can direct to try to help that person, because they deserve to have a good quality of life as well.

Right.

So when you when you recognize mental health issues, the best idea might not be to have the conversation.

The best idea might be to go to, to the police.

Quirky, quirky stories.

I bet the neighborhood Service center has.

Oh my goodness.

So, so many all all the things I for for some reason that I particularly just enjoy the animal one.

So I kind of referenced it earlier, but like, you know, the third time someone's called about someone's, you know, can't keep their chickens under control and, and then we're searching for the chickens on foot on bikes because we want to bring them home and we want to scare them, you know, and then having to have that conversation like, hey, you really need to secure these chickens because you lost two of them today, you know, never made it home.

The other one I think I mentioned was like the sheep, right?

We would go and we'd look, they have baby sheep.

They're raising them in their backyard.

We go and we'd with like, I don't see any sheep.

And then you'd go back like the fourth time.

Oh my gosh, there's this sheep.

And that.

We're not expecting that.

You start to think like.

Man, I just making this up.

Or they just think they see something.

No, indeed.

Right.

So these very unusual, unusual things or you get the call for a rooster when someone's, you know, really not supposed to have a rooster, and it's.

Crowing.

And it's crowing.

Right.

Right.

And and so then we, we have RPD partners we work with on that kind of thing.

And then you go in for a checkup and you're like, hey, just want to make sure that you, you know, address this rooster.

And they're like, come on, I'll show you and you'll show.

And you walk in and they open the freezer and there's the.

There is a rooster that's causing problems and.

Causing any problems anymore.

Yeah.

All right.

We have an email from John from Rochester, who wonders if guests are aware of the book called Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg.

It was written in the 1960s, but it's a conflict resolution framework and uses humor to address difficult situations.

And he recommends that the use of humor and I'm sure there's plenty of resources out there for people.

Yeah, there are and that's it.

Oldie but goodie.

Yeah.

And then another person we touched on this a little bit.

But laws regarding exterior lights, people who leave those big security porch lights on that shine into your bedroom window.

Are there laws against that?

What's what do people do when that's happening?

Some towns do have ordinances.

I don't know the exact off the top of my head, but again, that one is probably more, of an awareness one.

First, I think oftentimes we find that people don't realize that the light is intruding in.

And so having that conversation, if you, if you, you know, if you if you don't have, you know, establishing a rapport with your neighbor and then having that conversation with them and just making them aware of that most oftentimes, and those people don't realize that how far the light transmits and what windows that it's gone through at night and that usually can rectify that.

Okay.

Anything to add to that?

Not too much.

I agree with what he's saying.

I would say that the in the city that is a code issue, which I'm not up on 100%.

Usually it's a conversation like, can we adjust the angle of the light?

Can you shield that?

Like, what are you trying to light up?

Sometimes in the city, with properties being very close together, it doesn't take long.

Sometimes it's like a sidewalks width from one property to the next.

So if you walk down it, my right shoulder may be against the house and the left 1st May be against the fence, and then it's the other property.

So it's a very small area.

If you're trying to light that walkway that's have a shield or something, that's going to direct the light to where you want it to be instead of just having it go everywhere.

So just having that that conversation of the consideration.

Right.

Switch it to a motion detector light it.

Precisely is, you know, we won't recognize effect to it.

A lot of times people are putting these lights in through advice that to help deter crime rate, you know, have your driveway area lit in front of your home lit, which helps deter crime and helps identify.

Okay, well, we are out of time, but this has been a great conversation.

Thank you all for being here.

My guest, Laura Fleming, licensed clinical social worker Erica Hernandez from the Rochester's Neighborhood Service Centers.

We've had Deputy David Maki from the Monroe County Sheriff's Office and Lieutenant Rob Wilson from the Rochester Police Department.

Thank you all for being here today.

Thank you for calling in.

If you called in with a problem.

And thanks to our production team.

Great job.

Nice to work with you.

I hope you all have a very good afternoon.

This program is a production of WXXI Public Radio.

The views expressed do not necessarily represent those of this station, its staff, management, or underwriters.

The broadcast is meant for the private use of our audience.

Any rebroadcast or use in another medium without express written consent of WXXI is strictly prohibited.

Connections with Evan Dawson is available as a podcast.

Just click on the connections link at WXXI news.

Org.